Parade of kids

It is 8:38 as I write this blog. I am drinking my second cup of coffee, my girls are watching "Sleeping Beauty" and eating cereal with me (and eating gummy vitamins and drinking juice).

If my head wasn't cold I think I would feel the same as I did in the Spring.

There are still random side effects. If my stomach has nothing in it I feel slightly sick. However, 'slightly sick' is nothing compared to... Well, you know. The ringing in my ears has gone down a lot. I think my energy is increasing. I can't drink carbonated drinks quickly, but they are tasting better.

Last week we saw some of Rachel's family, and this week and in two weeks we are seeing my family. It is hilarious, because the visits are seemingly about me - but they are really just family coming together and always end up being a lot about our kids. I kind of expect the time to be about me, but I don't think I really want it to be. If I am honest I feel disappointed, then relieved. I think this week will be like that. I love my family and it will be fun, but most of my energy will be put towards my girls and that is like the side effects going away - the world is returning to 'normal'. In this case 'normal' means "without cancer".

I owe a lot of people phone calls. I think Tom tops the list. I have to finish a class during this family time. But, I finished a longer systematic theology class during Chemo - surely that was harder!

Anyway, I just wanted to throw an update out there. Many have mentioned wanting to hear from Rachel. I'm sure she will post again when she has the energy! We're beginning to think about what we learned, but in a lot of ways we're holding off those thoughts until 2010 (or later). If we ever land on anything we will let you know. For now we are glad that the 'treatments' are over.

I was looking for a new picture of Julia scratching the crap out of my hairless head, but it doesn't appear to be on the computer yet. She is very randomly violent... Maybe I will can find it later and post it. She looks happy and I look like there are ten wasps on my head.

Bathtime

Today Rachel (Matt writing) went to visit some friends in the hospital and bring them dinner. It is actually their son who is sick, and if you have the time they could use your prayers also.

Anyway, so I bathed Julia first because Caroline asked me to Caroline does not like baths as much as she has in the past even though we have taken to calling them "Fairy Princess Bubble Baths". So, Julia was clean, lotioned, pajamed, and playing while Caroline was playing (she actually wanted to play... which is slightly less amazing than the fact that she did not cry when I shampooed and Conditionered her hair).

Julia and I played in her room for awhile and then went to big sister's room where there are more toys. Of course Julia doesn't know what to do with many of them so she was simply handing them to me. As I sat on the floor I realized I was stretching my head to hear Caroline make noises (it is easy to hear her in Julia's room, but much harder in her room). To make matters worse she was actually dunking a bottle and letting bubbles out of it. So, I would stretch my head and hear just bubbles... Nerve wracking!

I finally said, "Caroline, I need you to say 'I'm okay Daddy'." She had been listening well all day and she sort of whispered, "I'm okay Daddy..." but I heard her. Its amazing to know that she hasn't ever really had an accident in the tub, she is a very careful kid, etc. Her whispering that just made me sigh deeply in relief. And, I decided since I was the parent and didn't need an anxiety attack - Julia and I could play in Julia's room where I would worry less. Chances are lower that she would indulge me a second time with the "I'm okay Daddy".

It occurred to me that many of you who read this might need to hear me say that I am okay. I am. My appetite is fantastic (well, it is selective but interested in a lot of whatever it wants... lately pizza). Today I was helping a friend move and had a cup of coffee. It was maybe my third cup since beginning Chemo, and my first that I drank all of. I also didn't eat much breakfast and it didn't kill me (the appetite works in multiple ways usually... I HAD been feeling queasy anytime my stomach was empty. See previous Facebook update of the four plates of nachos that came after dinner). I have started reading again (Dubus). I finished my have-to-go-on-campus-class. I'm even planning on doing some work on our fence tomorrow after church. I talked to a friend today and she was just so relieved to hear that I was doing well. I hope you are too. Thank you for your time, your prayers, your thoughts, those who brought us a blueberry pie, those who have planned parties for us, those who want to plan parties, those who facebook, those who call... I could go on and on. Thank you. This isn't my last blog or anything, but I just feel a lot better and wanted you to know.

Ah-Da (Julia, "All done")

Today was my last day of Chemotherapy. The doctor is very confident that this is it. Rachel is even more confident. Last week some people were asking me how they can help her, and I just kept thinking, 'She just needs Chemo to be over... Can you make it next Tuesday?' Well, Tuesday is here, I had treatment this morning at 10:00, and we're all downhill.

I played basketball last night and it continues to be a nice gift. Although my friend Matt got slapped in the face and headbutted... But, we won and I played effectively (didn't have to foul anybody to get out of the game like 2 weeks ago).

My girls are so fun to hang out with. We went to the park this evening and they are a lot of fun. Ron even got to Whomp a lab that came running to him (Ron broke out of his leash... you should see him after he gets to whomp a dog, he is so happy...).

Julia is starting to "express" herself a bit more. Which means she scratches and claws when not being heard. Caroline is listening better (and worse), and becoming far more interesting.

I should say something REALLY inspiring, but we are just so glad to be done. I wonder if we have been inspiring to any of the nurses or doctors. I kind of doubt it. Apparently my chemo is pretty rigorous and they usually just felt sorry for me.

I will continue to do school this summer. My next CAT scan is in November or December (remember I had one after surgery and they couldn't see the cancer then). My next meeting with the doc will be at the end of August. My overall recovery should take about a month - including hair.

Thank you for your prayers, notes, meals, thoughts, etc.

Tired

I just got a nice email from an old friend and I just found myself (this is actually Matt writing) telling him I was tired.  I could tell you about side - effects.  We could speak of the cumulative effects that make this week harder than it might be on paper (a "non-intense week" is how we have been referring to it when I only get treatment on Tuesdays for an hour).  The reality is that we are tired.

It doesn't help that we are trying to sell our house.  But, sometimes it makes our days simpler - when we have a showing we have a couple of things we do.  

I am still in wonder of the fact that Rachel deals with my side - effects as though she had them.  I mean, she doesn't feel sick but she is so emotionally affected.  I told her today that it would be simpler if she didn't love me.  I haven't read (except for school - which I am passing...  and only passing) in a month.  I don't enjoy TV.  Rachel mowed the lawn today.  

We can do this.  One more Tuesday and then about a month of recovery.  But we are tired.  We think some about how we would respond to friends in the future after having gone through this season.  you can ask us about that some other time, we have some tentative conclusions.  Which is slightly ironic because intentionality seems to be a common thread with those who love us well.  

Thank you again for your help, for meals, for phone calls and facebooks.  Thank you more for your prayers.  We are tired but we are okay.