So, when I saw the Sixth Sense I was late. It made it a far more intriguing movie. I remember later seeing a shirt that said, "I see stupid people... they are everywhere... they always want to talk to me." I thought that the shirt was funny.
Today I heard the 60th story of a stupid person, responding stupidly to a friend of mine who is in crisis. We talked it over for awhile - attempting to become sad, rather than angry and offended.
Reminds me of when people ask me if they can do anything when it is clear I am hurting. I know they mean well, and it is a hair better than "how are you doing", but I would like to have each of them sit with me and we would talk about how it is harder... but better, to simply say "I'm sorry this is going on", or "I don't have the words... I'm sorry" (cheesy - sure).
I can't get my head around my own desire to fix, much less anyone else's. But, I am more and more aware of when we are left with margin - some answers, but not all. Some hope, but not so much that we aren't consistently in pain. Some ability to see beauty, but some obscurity even in that.
Right this second what saves me (honestly it has been saving me for a few weeks now), is a robust definition of the Gospel of Jesus. My old pastor used to say, "You're a mess and you're loved", and he would sometimes spend a few moments really stressing the second. I would add, "and you have a role to play in the great story... You're a mess, you're loved, and you have a role to play in the story." It really helps, it really applies everywhere, I really preach it to myself on a regular basis, it really helps me not be intimidated by my worldview source - the Bible... it doesn't make the pain go away, but it takes the pain seriously and seems to offer robust answers to really awful and difficult questions.
Thoughts?
Discuss...
2 comments:
My thought is this - I find it ironic we try to answer other peoples' pain, when we know intuitively that there is no answer for our own. Sometimes, we have to take our time to mourn and just sit in it for a while.
We try to talk (or medicate) people out of their grief and pain a lot, because it's easier to do that than to admit we don't have answers and stand by their side and watch them hurt and refuse to let them fall. The strange flip side is how much we need people to know that we hurt (I still feel compelled to call someone when I stub my toe), but we are reluctant to say it because they will try to fix it or ignore, both of which make it worse.
It is also interesting how we need the different parts of that gospel definition at different times, and how different people need to hear different parts more. I laugh in my head because I am thinking of the part I have heard you remind me many times not to forget (or to learn to believe).
Isn't it amazing how the gospel is totally true and whole and perfect, and yet God takes a bunch mixed up people and uses them to keep each other straight?
One of the very best things my extremely wise father taught me was that I don't need to worry about what to say to hurting people, just spend time with them and let them know I care.
Thank you for that reminder - I forget his great lesson a lot.
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