Shavat

Where do you find rest? How do you find it? Are there different types of rest? Do we ever think about the 4th commandment anymore? How do you Sabbath? Is church restful to you and to your heart? Where do you find the Lord? When do you stop being creative and truly let your guard down? Does it involve other people or do you need to be alone?

I had the privilege of speaking at a conference on this stuff, but I am really curious still. Plus, blogging seems to work better when a question is asked. Maybe this works like the book recommendations: when someone wants one they will ask. Same thing with my little philosophical/sermon-like musings... if someone wants them they will ask... So, tell me how often, how, why, and how much you like resting.

Solitude

Are you guys afraid of Solitude? Why or why not? Is it the world? Or is it Evangelicalism? The world convinces us that busy is good, our mantra even, "I'm so busy." Meaning: look how productive and hard-working and meaningful I am to the world. Evangelicalism, as far as I can tell and have experienced, says, "Spiritual Disiciplines are all well and good as long as they don't get in the way of real spiritual matters (i.e. getting other people into Heaven)." If you like em, take em; if not, make sure you're still preaching the gospel to people (and not like Francis likes it - Lindsey). What do you think? I don't have as much of a sermon/philosophy as usual I'm just curious. Would love to hear what the Bear has to say on this matter; and the Inquisitor, and quills, and Shiggity, and the Veatch... And Lindsey, and Deana... Seriously, I know why it is hard for me: I condemn myself for not being busy, I have largely bought into Evangelicalism - and the scandal therein, I see myself as Jesus often rather than one of his kids, etc. but what about you guys? Are you content in the loneliness of solitude? Does loneliness remind you of your need for the Lord? Can you be in the car without the radio? Do you seek out time to just be quiet (and not asleep)?

Money and Pascal (Again)

So, Pascal says that everything I do I do to make me happy. My pastor quoted Tom Arnold (via Donald Miller) this past Sunday reiterating this same point. Arnold is admitting that what makes him happy is the approval of other people, but the larger philosophical point is the same... It is the reason one man commits suicide and one man buys a 97' Suzuki Marauder: because he thinks it will make him happy (or, more happy).

I hate money... sort of. I am writing this from my lap-top which I enjoy. I do have a U2 Ipod in my jacket... which I enjoy. There is more than that, but I still kind of think I hate money. Ask Fabbio the Bear, he will tell you. It comes from the way I grew up, or the way I didn't grow up, or maybe just the way I perceived my growing up experience. ANYWAY! I don't like money. I really want to know (and I mean percentages here) how much to save, how much to spend on my house, how much to give away, how much my wife can spend on small insignificant things, how much I can spend on large insignificant things, etc. However, Larry Burkett has all of those things. But, I don't want to do all of those for a lot of reasons. 1. I want to be free, and not develop morals stronger morals than the Bible. 2. I want a nicer house and a motorcycle. 3. I can't tell my wife to not buy 2 billion candles for our house when I own an X-Box, and Ipod, and a motorcycle... I'm sure there are more reasons.

What is funny is that we have money. Sort of... But, I have realized I want to have more every year. Not a ton, but I want there to be more every year. Ultimately, I want that because I think that the bottom line of our 401K, Roth IRA, and bank account - if they are just a little higher this month than last - will make me happy. I watch the houses in our neighborhood and if they sell quickly I feel very good about the theoretical equity Rachel and I are gainging in our house. That lasts for about a week (then we have to pay to get something fixed and I start to wonder how much of that we will get back money-wsie). Our children will be fine money-wise. When our baby girl is born we will start a college fund, etc. But, I will still want our financial bottom-line to continue to grow... it was big of me to realize this, and it is bigger to realize that while there is likely a pure philosophy somewhere about money - the bigger issue is trusting Christ. Give when we are able, save always, spend where needed and don't be legalistic about desires that are not 'needs', when we cannot save - don't worry... I don't even know the rest of them; it just seems revelatory that I think I want this pure philosophy - and I do. But, I want that pure philosophy to not cramp my personal style (0r my wife's). I Don't even know how to end my blog! Your responses are always enjoyable...

Copernicus

I'm pretty sure when Copernicus did all of the work that he did; he did not figure out that the world revolves around Matt Blazer. I'm pretty sure the church was aghast at his findings-that the Earth was not the center of the Solar System. And, I'm pretty sure they were mean to him about it.

Why do I have so much trouble taking everything personally? In my work, in my friendships, in conversations, interacting with my wife? Why is my picture of God so small that it has to be mapped out, explained, and then dealt with accordingly. I am a little tired of the hypocrisy of the church. And I am a lot tired of my own hypocrisy. I heard someone say a couple of weeks ago, that the point is to know the extent your own hypocrisy... or some such wise thing. The point is not to not be one: we all are, will be, have been, and might get worse before we are better. The point is to be honest about it.

I'm amazed how much the book, "Blue Like Jazz" has effected me. (What is the difference between effect and affect, I never can remember despite the piece of paper saying I have a degree in English). Donald Miller says we have to sit one out (we being the Christian Community). What a profound and simple quote. We have always thought our voice was so impotant that we needed to be broadcast, and whenthe world decided it wasn't we just bought some radio stations. Maybe sitting one out means offering that, "They shall know we are Christians by our love..." or some such thing. Why am I so concerned about good theology? (I, of course want to write, "why are 'we' so concerned...). I think there is a 0% chance that ANYONE has it down.

I didn't read Rick Warren's book, but I know that the first line is, "It's not about you." Reminds me of Fabbio the Bear; he says things like that to me. And he can, because I feel totally loved by him and never question his motives in telling me something like that. I know I'm partially writing because of something that upset me last night. I think I'm also writing because I want a biger picture of God, and I'm trying to flush that out a bit. I want to embrace the mystery also; I know the LORD and am thankful for that. I want that to help me to love people; I want my picture of the sovereignty of God to help me see his plan. In the abscence of that I want it to give me peace. I want to take things less personally. In short: I want to be changed.

Pulling Weeds

While trying to determine all of ins and outs, pros and cons of buying (or not buying) a motorcycle I came to the same conclusion that Pascal came to, Edwards expressed theologically, Lewis developed practically, and John Piper explained to me. It only took four genius' to get me understanding that we dothings to make us happy. Piper says we should seek to Glorify God by enjoying Him forever... that that is the lense we should use to view the Bible, and in doing so will see that God has our great pleasure in mind when he tells us what to do. John Eldredge (using Chesterton, Watchman Nee, and Dallas Willard types) says we should follow our hearts. The Presbyterian Church in America does not like aspects of Eldredge's writings; I think they wish he made it more clear that the he is talking about a 'regenerated heart' when he says, "Your heart is not wicked"... Hopefully my old buddy Kirk Adkisson will not read this particular blog and quote the Westminster Confession to me...
So, what am I writing about and why did I entitle this blog, "Pulling Weeds"? Because I was mowing a few weeks ago and I stopped to pull some weeds. I am not a gardener; it is only in the last few years that I have become excited to make these goofy lines in my yard rather than just making smaller and smaller circles with the mower. So, there I am pulling weeds - because I want to. I want the yard to look good, so I pulled some weeds. A motorcycle is not going to save me any money. It is very difficult to save money by spending money. I think I figured that I would have to drive about 40,000 miles on the motorcycle for it to pay for itself through the gas money... But, I want one. Should this desire go un-tempered by my Christianity, my worldivew, the reality that I have a wife who is not expecially keen on the idea; certainly not. But, I do not think it is irresponsible financially (Christian), my wife added one detail to the Missouri law for a motorcycle permit holder (no highways to go along with no passengers and no riding at night); so I am now the owner of a 97' Suzuki Marauder. It is your basic motorcycle; it could go fast if I were to ride it that way (top speed to date: 44 MPH), but it is not dying to go fast like the Sport Bike I laid down about three weeks before getting married.
We will see how long I keep it. It is like anything else: IPOD, a dog, a TV: having one requires time and a certain amount of energy to enjoy it. But, I actually believe I operated under the auspices of good theology with this purchase. And, on that note, I'm hoping to eventually (I have been foiled twice so far) to attach a picture that my friends Po-Shiggity sent me for the same reason I pulled weeds and bought a motorcycle: it makes me happy. I can't get it... You will have to write him and ask to see the picture of Jim Edmonds from last night...

The Blog, the hot water, and the Decaf...

This is an outstanding game we have played a lot at Jr. High. It is called, "Criss-Cross-Crash..." for more information, please e-mail me... So, I'm still not sure about this whole blog thing. I enjoy writing it. I think it is like journaling if you used to be a famous writer or something; some people will read it, I'm writing in this pseudo-objective-I have something to say about Life that is worth reading-but, still kind of personal-style. The other English Majors who peruse my Blog will have a field day with that sentence!

Anyway, while I will still be buying a motorcycle; it looks like the Nighthawk will not be the one (featured on the last blog). When I sit on one I can't turn without getting my knee out to the side... Kind of defeats the whole, "I look and feel cool and free riding my motorcycle." So, Ed talked me into a 750 Shadow VLX. The wife is scared, but we have put down rules that will hopefully keep her sleeping at nights until she is more confident in my skills. I did lay down a sport bike 3 weeks before we got married; she isn't just being "that wife".

The Great Thing about Criss-Cross-Crash is that afterwards I got to share the gospel with those kids. I wish it were that easy with my basketball team! It reminds me of why I love my job; we get to crash kids into each other, and somehow that is the ground we need to stand on to then tell them about the Lord!

As I think about going back to school (seminary) I think of how much I will miss being on the front lines of ministry. This is why I am taking one class at a time currently. I cannot (yet?) imagine not hanging out with the Dane Stole's (8th grader) of the world. Dane thinks for himself, his parents come from very different religious backgrounds, and he has incredibly good taste in music (including his own band: Tuxedo Park). I want to hang out with guys like Dane, I love that I have a job that encourages me to find guys like Dane, convince him that I care about him simply because he exists, and then, if possible, tell him about the Lord.

There is more to it than that (isn't there always?). I am still pretty cocky about my own knowledge and abilities in vocational ministry... There was an electronic debate at the other church (the one that planted my church) over sabbath keeping and worship. Sabbath keeping is one of my favorite subjects lately because I am studying it in my own time... Yet this discussion did not appeal to me. Too many 'ication' words. Too many "I don't know too much... but, let me regurgitate the history ofthe church's keeping of the sabbath and then tell you my opinion mixed in..." Let's talk about something real: can we talk about hearts? How are they doing? No, really, our hearts... your's and mine. How do we ask others if we are not asking ourselves? Are we encouraging the hearts of our congregation? Are we loving well? What does it mean to love well? I recognize that there must be good theology under-girding what we do, but how much do we really have to talk about it? Because when we talk about it we lose most our listeners. It was certainly curious that only those with Masters of Divinity degrees responded to this debate. Am I cynical because I am on the outside or am I cynical because that language doesn't make sense anymore? As I am learning-it is probably both of those and some other reasons thrown in for good measure!

I have been at Kayak's now for almost four hours. I had a good house Group meeting, one mocha, one cup of Half-Decaf/Half Regular, and now I am working on a Half-Water/Half-Decaf and blogging. Do I have anything worthwhile to say? That is up to the Anonymous readers...

Nighthawk

This is the motorcycle that I will hopefully be riding by the end of the week. I'm crossing my fingers (and the nub with a regular finger) that my parents won't find out until I have it. The deal is (with Rachel, my wife), that I cannot take other people and I cannot ride on the highway. I think that that is very fair.

So, the blog... It is hard to blog. My laptop is the only computer at my disposal which will allow me to blog. But, it is fun; even when some of your friends use it to flirt with each other electronically.

So, why a motorcycle? The ad on the Honda Web-site says something like, "This is rel freedom and adventure..." or something like that... "real life". I've taken some counseling classes, I read everything John Eldredge writes; one would think I wouldn't be a sucker for the ad. I am. I want to feel the way I feel riding a motorcycle (Iahve ridden one before... in fact, wrecked one right before my wedding!) ; even if it is just on the way to work once or twice a week. I want to 'feel' Wild at Heart, not just 'be'... Whatever that means...

My wife is pregnant, and so I certainly wonder whether I am attempting to compensate for the loss of my youth. I don't think so. All I am, is excited about the baby, and I do not feel that my life philosophy should change. I know I know I know... All people with children will tell me that my life will change, forever, more than I could imagine (insert big sigh for emphasis)... All I mean is, I hope I'm living the right way regardless of whether or not we have a child. I don't see buying or not buying a motorcycle as a good or bad decision based upon those things.

My car broker likes to talk about 'emotional decisions' that people make when they don't buy what he would consider a reliable automobile. Yet, he is freely willing to admit that he feels emotional every time he gets to drive a Subaru WRX-STI. I think John Piper, Jonathan Edwards, Pascal, etc. would contend that that is why we do things anyway. Even if we are buying the most reliable car on the planet (like the one I recently bought my wife), isn't that still an emotional decision? Whether it is logical, smart, frugal, and or stewardly I am certainly doing what will make me happy (or my perception of that).

What the heck am I talking about? One of the big questions: what are the desires of my heart and how do I follow them. I am not quite yet cocky enough to think I have answers to even half of the questions that gnaw my heart, but I know that to question my desires has always helped me. I find the deepest parts of my heart there (embedded in my desires), I make sure that I am listening to them and not to some addiction or passing fancy, then I try to follow them. The result: a cheap, but kind of cool-looking motorcycle...

Love, Life, Passion, Anger, and Choices

You would think with that kind of title I would have something to say... Not so much today; I'm just trying to get the hang of blogging!

And, I love the picture of my wife imitating a Joshua Tree! I have a picture of myself trying to look cool (no doubt a subconscious reference to the the U2 album)... But, I don't know how cool I look, and I do know how much more fun it is to look at my wife.

I know that I am working on getting an entire congregation to pray for the kids in my youth group (That is what I do, I'm a Youth Pastor). It is humbling, tiring, wonderful, and tedious.

I know that I read about 8 reviews of "Velvet Elvis" (a trendy new Christian book); it is incredible the amount of hate the Christian Community can generate all by itself, towards itself. I'm not judging or condemning... no, I am, but I'm not going to blog about that. The whole thing just made me sad. I still bought the book for the third time (I keep loaning it out, then wanting to continue reading).

Alright, my last paragraph will be devoted to why I am trying (and kind of think most Christians should also) to stop recommending books to people. First of all, is that really what our friends and aquaintances need? Jeff Fox says we need a better Jesus, not better books. I can only think of one or two times I successfully even got someone to read a book I recommended, and the most glaring example is a friend who TOTALLY missed the point of the book and followed it to ever greater pain in that area of his life. I mean, don't you think we should spend that time (The time where we tell them how awesome this book is and how it is THE BOOK that we can give to everyone who doesn't know Jesus) listening to our friend? If we're in such a hurry that we can't listen to them, we have to recommend a book to save time (this is me to a 'T'!!!); then we don't get to recommend anything because we're obviously not loving them well! And, that is the only place to begin; whether the friend knows the Lord or not. Furthermore, can't we set a better and higher bar? Seriously, there are some great books out there! But, instead of just recommending them and moving on; shouldn't we learn to listen better (to the friend and to the book) and then share the message of whatever book to our friend in a subjective, sensitive way that they can hear without having a Barnes and Noble Discount Card? I think that is a better and a higher bar. And finally, I have found that there are people who are so excited about their faith that they are ASKING for recommendations. By all means, we should point these young men and women (usually in college) to the great stuff that is out there... But, waiting on them to ask means we are waiting until we have the right (by listening and loving them well) to recommend.

What we should actually DO, for those of you who want the application... Is ask them what they think we should read. Then, we should ask again, discuss that book with them (whoever 'Them' is), and repeat the process until they are blown away by how interested we are in them and in their heart!

A strange soapbox to have you say? I totally agree!