We met with the oncologist yesterday. I also had blood work done. I am tired of blood work for two reasons: one, they stick you with a needle (Sorry Sweeney... ) and two, it has yet to tell us anything as far as I understand it.
2 Rounds of Chemotherapy, beginning this Monday (June 1st). 14 Times in the hospital - two intense weeks (this coming week, and then again in four weeks), and four non-intense weeks where I only go in once/week for about two hours. The kind of Chemo I will be receiving is BEP, just if you feel like looking it up. I'm not sure if that makes sense (Somebody make my wife blog...). This next week I will be up there for 8-9 hours, M-F. The two weeks after that it is just one day/week for two hours. Then we start over again on June 21st: intense week, followed by two non-intense weeks.
The reason we are getting Chemo is that my cancer is a germ-cell, and while they will probably be unable to locate it in my body (that scan is tomorrow... damn Contrast tastes like REALLY crappy Sunny Delight) after the surgery, because of the amount they found in the surgery it is nationally recommended that I receive some Chemo. If the cancer were to come back I would have to have at least 3 rounds (9 weeks, instead of 6), so, we're going to reduce to almost nothing the chance it will come back. This is one of the types of cancer that, once you know what it is, you know how to kill it. We tried surgery, and it "worked", but now we need to make sure it won't come back.
I will lose my hair (apparently some people don't, but the "b" makes it very likely). I will probably feel lethargic and relatively nauseous. I was THRILLED that I am not only allowed, but supposed to exercise - so I'm hoping to play ball on Monday night. I will be next to worthless from beyond the arc but am still excited. The fellow-Doctor said not to play hockey, but b-ball is okay!
The oncologist asked me (with Rachel in the room) to not impregnate "anyone" while undergoing Chemo. It was a mixture of funny and awkward!
Part two of Blog. This week two friends emailed and said that email (and the blog) are unacceptable to them as friends. The point was: we need to hear your voice and talk to you - even if it is just for five minutes.
I know that we have shut out a number of people - family included to some degree. I want to ask your forgiveness if we have hurt you. Rachel and I don't claim to know how to walk through this, and we're just taking steps. I'm not necessarily apologizing, because I know all of you want us to be healthy. At the same time, if you're in this boat - please call. Seriously, it was funny how much it meant to me for people to say that - even as I thought one of them was somewhat off base in their request. It means a lot, I have been in your shoes, etc. So, if we have hurt you and you want to talk with one of us, go ahead and give us a call or tell us in email you would really like to talk (definitely have two family members that left messages last week) and we'll make time.
Next week will begin some new craziness, but we're excited that in 7 weeks we will (most likely, roughly 1/2 of 1% chance of recurrence, which we would then kill) be cancer free.
As always, ask questions, comment about whatever...
7 comments:
alrighty...i'm going to go out on a limb here. i'm not sure if you use the comment moderation, but i certainly wont be offended if you delete this comment! ;) matt, please make sure rachel reads this too though.
i am clearly unaware of the situations that your friends/family members might be in. i understand that there might be extenuating circumstances that require them to "hear your voice." i guess a little part of me bowed up with defensiveness (for you) when i read this blog post though. albeit very different from a spouse, my mother also had cancer. our family, a very small part of it, went into survival mode. survival mode means something different to everyone. to me it meant that i didn't get phone calls returned or sometimes even emails returned. not because i didn't appreciate them, but because sometimes i purely didn't have the energy to talk, even for 5 minutes. email (and blogging if we'd had one) became a means of communicating that allowed me to convey the necessary information to others regarding my mom's health and care, but also allowed me a certain amount of privacy. i didn't have to answer questions if i didn't feel comfortable with them, and it helped me sort out my thoughts and deal with the reality of things.
i'm not criticizing your friends/family who are frustrated. and i imagine that they are not reading your blog/comments, but i am nonetheless pleading with them to meet you where you are. you and rachel are doing what you need to do to make it down this road. that's not selfish, that's self preserving. I know that our God has you in the palm of His hands, giving you strength and encouragement whether i talk to you on the phone, through email, or none of the above. our prayers make it to Him regardless!
i think the waiting for the chemo to start was as hard or harder than the chemo itself. sure, there werent the side effects, but it was the anticipation of the unknown. do exercise, i firmly believe that it's what got my mom through her chemo!
you are in our prayers sweet friends. He give's strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. And although I would be the first to argue with Him, He give us nothing that we cannot handle without His strength. we love you and are praying for you!
Matt and Rachel, I will ditto Anna. I will continue to pray for you all.
Just like to leave my mark as an unhurt family member : )
My only concern is that I haven't been in your face ENOUGH and that might be hurtful!
See if they will let you put ice in the contrast or make it very cold before hand. Any doctor concotion like that I find easier to drink when its extremely cold!
I know this isn't going to be an easy time- and that y'all have so much on your plate- but just being sure in the knowledge that there is a light at the end of this tunnel- well- I send you all my love- and am planning on ordering you those ping pong balls ;)
Try not to lose any more body parts other than your hair okay?? I'll bet you will be dead sexy when you're bald. It will be very hard to NOT impregnate my sister. So double up- m'kay? ;)
Looking forward to late summer hugs and cocktails when we celebrate the end of this rainbow.
And I'm sorry I stole your sitter. Clearly your nephew has it in for you. I promise to give him a good spanking. Because with parents like me and Steve we're instructing all the kids to look up to Uncle Matt and Aunt Rachel. And frankly I'm just happy they will have the next 50 or so years to learn from you....
XOXOXOXO Kerry
Hi Matt,
I logged into the comments section to say I am not hurt and I am so grateful for technology. I know I am a "long distance friend" but I am so blessed by "hearing" you through your blog. I read what Anna wrote and basically can say "ditto." Communicate with us in whichever way you choose!
Love to your whole family and continued prayers.
Jen
What is funny (besides Kerry's post) is that I felt loved by the first friend who pointed out his need to talk with me.
So, you're all loving me - in just as subjective way as we are surviving.
Thanks - to the friend who needed to talk, and to everyone who is willing to be - as my friend Robbie says- "the friend who does nothing, if that is what you need". Robbie didn't hear back from me about the Cav's game... Partly because I didn't get the message. Nice circle of irony if I could get my brain around it.
I vote for Russ to Go Fro for the Summer while you Go Bald.
Love you,
S.
Matthew,
So, now that I read your blog I am completely understanding why you have been popping into my brain lately. Not that you aren't and won't always be my friend, but years between seeing each other usually makes it less likely thinking of a person. Not sure that makes sense. Whatever. Just wanted you to know you and your family are in my prayers. With more focus now that I get the message God was trying to get to me! :)
Everytime I think of you I smile. Mostly because that's what I always remember you doing. random.
And officially time for me to stop writing.
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