Prunes Anyone???

How in the world could I not post this picture???

I have a question that has nothing to do with my messy baby, or the fact that mom gives her prunes periodically to... well... Um, if you don't know what prunes do, check on Wikipedia or something...

Why is it that everyone, when you ask for more time for friendship, a good cause, or whatever all of a sudden is shockingly broke, busy, and exhausted? Is it a priority thing? Is it true? Is it partly true?

Thoughts???

I know the second one is my favorite excuse, and I usually use my wife and baby as excuses... When the tired one hits I usually fall back on, "Am I really tired or are my prioroities mixed up?" (because I am thinking that I am tried because i didn't do something (like read, watch a movie, some work, hang out with my baby, wash my car) for a series of reasons...) Oh yes, I will use double Parentheses if I need to!

You?

Loneliness

My wife and baby are in memphis visiting family (and fleeing the 85 foot tall tree we are having cut down), and so you might think this post is about that. It is not.

I am simply amazed by the ways we (and by 'we' I mean myself) put ourselves out there. I have a podcast, a blog, a facebook, a myspace, an e-mail address, and an AIM name. I have GREAT reasons for each one: podcast - Mike asked me to do one, and I can't refuse Mike anything. Blog - lately, it is my excuse to put pictures of my daughter all over the place. Facebook - I'm a youth pastor, I can comunicate with 100 kids in three minutes using Facebook. Myspace - there are friends who only use Myspace, and that is the only way to read their blogs. E-mail - I have sent over 5000 e-mails since I came to work for Greentree. AIM - I have had blzrscool for 13 years now!

Anyway, I am amazed at how we put ourselves out there (often different selves for different venues), and yet we are still so lonely. Chap Clark said (to 700 Jr. high kids) that loneliness is the human condition. I think he is right, and when I think about how lonely most people (and myself many days) are, my heart is broken.

I wonder if the great irony is going to be all this technology pushing us back into human contact because it is such a great need in all of our lives. I wonder if the lesser irony, everyone sitting at coffeeshops typing away with their headphones on, will ever strike anyone like it does me...

Thoughts?

SAD and Lloyd Dobbler

Seasonal Affective Disorder; many people are somewhat affected by this. It is simply when the weather changes afffect your mood; for good or for ill. Today I feel close to depressed. It is, in fact, gloomy outside. I am about to transition jobs and am less able than usual to flee to the idol of productivity. I was hoping to just sit and read my Bible when I got to my coffee shop (from whence come all podcasts and most blogs because of their coveted high speed connection). I haven't don't that yet.

My great friend Mike Higgins has a cliche' riddled paragraph about attitude on his desk. Lloyd Dobbler thinks similarly, "Why can't you just decide to be in a good mood and be in a good mood?" Webel has always fought to be controlled by anything, which seems like the antithesis of most people I know who are just looking for an excuse to act tired, etc. Isn't everyone tired and busy though?

I just wonder how much I am supposed to fight? How much am I just supposed to roll with it and look forward to tomorrow, hurt as few people as possible in the process? Or should I seach out what the real problem is and address it?

Pictures like this make me wonder how I could ever be in a bad mood...

(My wife and baby)

Change

It is hard for me when a philosophy is presented that is not a philosophy. These recent elections (I'm of course writing from Missouri) had an interesting result that seemed more about 'change' than any particular political platform; unless of course rejecting a platform is a platform!

Examples of my earlier point: loyalty, sincerity, and 'change' are not, in and of themselves good or bad, they just are... I heard someone say yesterday (he happens to drive a jaguar and his silver hair - so, stereotype and judge all you want), "Well, Claire McCaskill won't be able to find her way to Washington, so it isn't a big deal..." His comment made me sad. I did not vote for McCaskill, but I do support many policies that she claims to hold. More importantly, I want her to do well because she is in office. This is not a war anyone lost (hopefully!) it is politics...

My fear is that we were so busy screaming for change we weren't paying attention to the issues, our own hand in shaping them, etc. Instead, we were busy reacting to things we don't like. I think of Tommy Lee Jones in Men in Black answering Will Smith's question, "Why not tell people, they're smart, the could handle it?" "A person is smart; people are dumb stupid animals and you know it..."

I myself wonder if I voted as a person or as a group of people. I also wonder what the recent changes in our nation will bring.

Settling

What does it mean to settle?

Can someone reconcile for me the difference between buying into the American Dream (which I would say is a fallacy, in that it doesn't deliver anything emotionally - instead it just delivers stuff) and the flip side of our culture not (generallly???) having the courage to believe in the romance of life... Are we, in fact, settling for the American Dream?

And, of course, one more picture...

Just a picture

the discussions are waning, but I don't want anyone to miss out on some of our latest pics...

Giving

I'm pretty sure this blog is supposed to be about going to game five of the series... I did stand on 7th street for an hour high fiving people after the game...

But, I want to know (and my e-friends, with the one noteable exception, are not responding super-well to these questions) how much we should give to one another. One of the counselors I used to see used to draw a circle and then a line in the middle of it. He would then talk (briefly because he is a very good counselor) about when one person gives 50%, the other only 25, how there is then a void... (and what should we do with that void???)

I think everyone responds to the void differently, give more, give the same (His solution) amount you were before, give less (kind of a negative reaction I would think, but one could argue for it), or chuck the relationship entirely.

Lately, I have become really aware of how much and how many relationships I desire, but I realize also I don't know how to love many of my friends well. Some live in town and I don't do well, some live in South Carolina and I don't do well. Some live in New Jersey and I think we do a fine job... (Those are all people, I'm not good at 'examples' who are truly anonymous... )

How do you give? When do you feel like you could give more? Are your friendships improving at this point in your life? I didn't even get into family... So much harder, yet with so much more natural love there...

I put in a picture of my wonderful daughter because 1. She is the main attraction to my blog. 2. This is HER FRIEND, Princess Poodelina Rose, and 3. She is currently asking me very sternly if I could (perchance?) leave the keyboard and fix her some applesauce and barley.

E-Mail

I just received an e-mail from someone (I do not know who because they did not leave a name) who was listening to my podcast for some time apparently... They will no longer be listening after a comment I made where I said, "Jesus screwed all this up..."

I honestly don't remember exactly what I was talking about and am forced to assume this was in response to my last podcast about sub-cultures and counter-cultures and my own interpretation of which one Jesus was promoting through his Gospel.

The writer also was astute in pointing out that I am too-often abstract. I mean it that she/he was astute, I am abstract - I think that way, write that way (much to the chagrin of professors), and have always been led to teach that way (much to the chagrin of the students I get to teach).

I have two purposes in writing this blog: one to explain to the writer how their e-mail made me feel, and two: to fight e-mail as an actual mode of communication.

It sent a chill through my body, especially through my neck, and made my heart beat faster. Because I do not know exactly how the writer felt, I am again forced to assume that she/he was left upset by the comment I made. There was no dialogue. For all I know the listener has more knowledge and education about everything I talk about than I do. So, I am left with my heart beating quickly and no resolution whatsoever. I would be interested to know how I was wrong, i would be excited to ask forgiveness if i had offended, and I would be more than willing to talk if there was a misunderstanding. Instead I am left to write this blog...

A pastor in Michigan calls gossip verbal pornography because we want the rush of being in someone else's life without taking the time and energy to be in their life. It might be an imperfect analogy, but hey, it isn't mine! The point with e-mail is similar. If you have something to communicate that is more than just news/weather/sports - please communicate it in a two-sided way. I would like to write adjectives about my opinions about these e-mails. I won't. I just wish we might all learn a little something about people, and how to love them well this side of the New Heavens and the New Earth - we could start by communicating...

Leaving a Legacy

I know I want to do this... I know some aspects... and I know I want it to be me-specific... is that bad? What does it mean to leave a legacy? how much of it is your family? How much is it like getting published or something...


I took this picture (unlike almost all of the others... taken by my wife). I love my daughter, she is such a trip...

reflect

So, this picture is about relflection (The thing I'm bad at). We also took a picture of our feet: one set very small, one a woman's size six, one a man's size 10... Very fun picture...

But, this one is about my most powerful calling: my family...

What do you wish you reflected more upon

Anthony Campolo

If you went to my high school, his name might conjure up a bad image but I love his stuff. he uses the same analogies (largely from his own life) over and over and so what - they're great analogies (like throwing a birthdy party for a hooker he had just met)...

Anyway, one of his talks is based loosely on the three things people who live to be over 100 years old wish tey had done differently...

Risk, Reflect, and leave more of a legacy for when they are gone...


How do you do at those three things? I think I am good at the first, awful at the second, and consistently thinking about the third...

This picture is in honor of taking risks...

Saving, redemption, or Psalm 8???

So, that is not me, but I did catch two fish like that one (and one small shark), fishing the other day off of Amelia Island in Florida. That large fish, a tarpon, does fight a lot and the second one (maybe a shade over 100 pounds) made me walk around the boat 12 times before he was tired enough for me to pull him in and pull out the hook.

I wonder why we like fishing and hunting so much? My guide is this strange mixture of environmentally conscious and not-so-much... It is probably an occupation thing, but Captain Jim will not kill a fish; but, he is an active deer hunter (although he only goes after very large bucks). Anyway, I was enjoying the fishing a lot, but I noticed that Captain Jim would always set the Tarpon right in the water to facilitate them swimming back down into the ocean (we didn't pull them on to the boat). This seemed very exciting, and with my second (and last) Tarpon, I asked him if I could cut the hook off and set the fish right so he wouldn't have trouble swimming back down. Captain Jim said, "You can do whatever you want!"

And that was the highlight of my afternoon. That, and not losing another finger to another rope! Seriously though, my favorite part was not the 45 minutes it took me to win the battle with my tarpon, but it was setting his top fin upright again and pushing him under the water to watch him swim away.

Psalm 8 is more cosmological than anything, but it refers to subduing the Earth. I wonder if we stop thinking too early, if we forget to be New Covenant Thinkers with a Scripture like that. Relative to Jesus shouldn't we subdue the Earth in order to set it free? Isn't the point of Jesus to redeem the whole world? Heaven is all well and good, but as I look at Scripture - and the deep places of my heart - I have a great desire for the New Heavens and the New Earth.

This is not personified in me pushing the Tarpon back under the water, but I do think it alludes to my heart desiring not to dominate this creature... I think that is mistaken, what I really want is to see the beginnings of redemption everywhere... Again, the analogy falls short quickly! but, as I was leaning over the boat, laying on the floor, pushing this massive fish under water... I juts wonder if we don't wrap up our theology too quickly in Heaven, saving folks, tithing, etc. A Cosmic redemption sounds much more exciting to me; much more like Good News.

But, enough about me... What do you think?

The Sig

So, I don't have a picture of the Sig... At least not on my computer... Maybe I should "Google Image" him. But anyway, I promised him I would not only podcast. but that I would podcast about him. Everyone I know who knows the Sig likes him; I have often wished I were that type of guy, but I am glad there aren't millions like himk because then he wouldn't be so unique...

The other main thing you should know about Sean Sigillito is that I always tell the same story about him and that story should not become history (in the form of the internet - created by Al Gore - for just such a time as this). I wanted to schedule a girl's night out for our junior high girls because, well, girls like to hang out... So, being a circular, reciprocating youth pastor I also scheduled a guy's night out. We boxed (among other things), and Sig was the unlikely hero of the boxing night (I suppose you could say that we are "that church" that allows it's kids to box). Sig was the hero becuase at the time he was only in the 6th grade and a little smushy around the mid-section, but during the boxing he absolutely pounded one of the most cocky 8th graders in our church, we will call him Chester. Chester plays one or two sports very well, has had many girlfriends, and has asn awkwardly low voice for an 8th grader (he isn't especially tall or large either).

Anyway, we didn't allow the kids to hit in the face or below the belt (we aren't "that church"... well, yeah, we are, but we still didn't let them hit there). And I wasn't so sure about the matchup between Chester and Sig, but once the gloves were on Sig went straight to work. His style is to cradle one arm in a defensive stance, and to upercut all day wit hthe otehr one. Furthermore, Sig used his substantial mass (at the time) to block Chester from moving around and utilizing his greater speed. Sig proceeded not just to pound Chester out of the ring, but into submission also... it was one of my favorite moments in my 10ish years in Youth Ministry...

Thanks Sig.

Podcasting

I actually podcast...

Arrogant... Weird... I might have three listeners... But here is the address: It might be more satisfying than blogging... the jury is still out... one more set of ellipses...

http://web.mac.com/mattblazer/iWeb/Site/Podcast/Podcast.html

Steve McQueen

So, I've received some complaints about not updating my blog enough. I apologize. I think that my impression of blogging was that it was about dialogue, about important ideas, etc. But, I now know that it is more about sharing yourself on the internet. Sounds Creepy, but I enjoy reading other people's, so I should probably have the courtesy to update my own: that is the best I can do right Cary?
I doubt many of the kids I am hanging out with this week even know who Steve McQueen is, but they are on a trip that might have a different name without his silver screen heroism: the Great Escape. It is a strange trip. I could write for hours about what we are doing, what is working, etc. They would generally be theologically erroneous statements though...

And, that doesn't seem to be the point of a blog.

Instead, I think I will list in small detail some of the things our group has been caught doing/accused of/labeled as. Keep in mind that many of these poor volunteers (from other churches) are simply here because no one else would go. Many others are dumb!!!

Throwing Water Balloons out of a 4th story window (true - unsupervised)
Cheating During recreation (true - supervised by Blazer, although there were no scores kept and no winners or losers determined, one day I went over the edge...)
Stealing the skit prop 'The Holy Grail' (true - unsupervised, although encouraged by Mike Higgins and then the rest of the leaders)
Swimming in the fountain, which apparently has many chemicals in it (true - multiple times, unsupervised)
Firing Water Balloons at the Work Crew tent instead of into the field (true, Blazer)
Saving too many seats at the front of the auditorium (we had trouble not laughing at the inanity of this particular accusation, as did the leadership)
Breaking a windshield of a car with a football (true - Higgins punting)
Firing off fireworks affter curfew in a state that it is illegal (NC), (True, Blazer, although the director of the camp, a 20 year YM guy, took us to a better spot when he caught us)

There are more... We labeled one leader 'Hilary Faye' (SAVED) because she enjoys worship VERY VERY MUCH, and told on us more than once. We enjoyed being 'those leaders' and 'that church' because our kids had more fun that way.

Amazing

We watched a video in our Lamaze/Infant Care Class where a baby slowly made his way up his mom's tummy to feed over the course of an hour or so... (without any help, right after being born).

The first thing our instructor said was, "Isn't that amazing... nature..." The first response, from stupid engineer man, was, "It isn't amazing, it's just biology..." My wife theorizes that he had a baby girl (like mine, pictured left), and is now a big pile of mushy noises and tears.

I find my baby amazing. She is starting to smile and make faces. She is 6.5 weeks old. Today she and I got to hang out for a few hours while mom ran some errands and was intentionally by herself. It was amazing how much more Caroline would rather lay on me (listening to my heart like when she lived in Mom) than lay in her expensive crib, bassinet (borrowed), or her 'bouncy seat' which will vibrate and play songs.

What was amazing to you this week? That word has been a great cliche in my life for awhile... even this past weekend it became a buzz word at a camp for 4-6th graders... But, seriously, what has been amazing to you? Even if it is something that victimized you, or somethign wonderful, or some person? What seems/is/appears amazing to you?

Line - (*line*)

That is my favorite Picture. There is no flash, but I like it because she is already showing her passive aggressive (like har parents) tendencies... Her arms are always in the way and we have yet to keep them swaddled.

Some random facts from the hospital:

The songs that went through my head the most:

"Brilliant Disguise": Springsteen
"Long December": Counting Crows


Nurses that we liked:
Lori (had 3 X)
Andrea (had 2X)
Lin

People we are not sure really exist:
Dot: Dot is in her 60's (supposedly), and has been a Lactation Consultant for St. John's for a long time. We saw her once and she accomplished more than all other nurses and consultants in the four days we were in the hospital. We never saw or heard from her again... Something about entertaining angels...

Visitors:

Saturday:
Rob and Shirley Westmoreland (Rachel's folks)
Karen Smith (Who appeared within 20 minutes of my phone call to her)

Sunday:
Rob and Shirley Westmoreland
Anne Simon (Youth Staff Intern)
Jennifer Patneau (Friend/Youth Volunteer)
Hannah Smith (8th grade girl)
Emily Wood (8th Grade Girl)
Sydney McClain (8th Grade Girl)
Robbie, Jane-Ellis, Charlie, and Peter Griggs (Peter is negative two weeks) (Friends)

Monday:
Brian Janous (7:50 AM with Kaldi's Mocha in tow... amazing... totally got me jump-started)
A Random couple that Rachel knew from her old job at Saint John's
Shirley Westmoreland (Rob went home, Shirley is stil here - Thank God)
Scott Sauls (Pastor, commented that Caroline will look like Joan Jett)
Phat Phil Woods (Also a Pastor of Greentree Community Church in Webster Groves)
(PHAT stands for Praise Him All the Time, Phil is just his name)
Mike Higgins (Youth Director at Greentree Kirkwood)
Jeff and Katie Fabbiano (Friends)
Brian, Kim, and Tyler Janous (Tyler and I ate Teddy Grahams)
Mary Mercer (Rachel's Old Boss from Saint John's - yes, the same Saint Johns)
Robin Something-or-other from Saint Johns
Megan Sweeney (Friend)
Mike, Tammy, Molly, and Lucas Higgins (oh, yes, Mike came Twice)

We were pleasantly surprised at how much we enjoyed visitors. But, Monday Night and Tuesday were hard. Proof of the sovereignty of God for my small brain: No Visitors on Tuesday.

I'm just enjoying writing... Hope you guys like the pics of my daughter!!!

O - (*ooo*)

I like this picture a lot.

We are now home, and the first night went better than it might've... Mom did get some sleep, dad got a litle more thanks to grandma (still, everything wakes you up).

Car- (*care)

Some Numbers for you who like them:

4:00 AM Water Broke

5:00 AM In L&D Room breathing and contracting

9:15ish (Epidural... whew)

Concern: Caroline does not like contractions and her heart rate goes down with each one. An -in-utero Baby's heart rate is supposed to eb between 110-150. Caroline's dropped to 70 towards to the end...

10:00: Dr. Mary Grimm shows up (Our OBGYN)

10:30: After two shots of Tergi-something or other that were supposed to slow contractions (they were coming wuickly and on top of each other, Epidural was very nice) Dr. Grimm decides we are willing to mess with the idea of Caroline not being veyr healthy...

11:15 C-Section is finished, picture is taken, feet stamped, etc.

7 Lbs, 4 Ounces... 20 and 1/2 " long... 3-18-06 (although someone wrote on her chart 03', so she was actually gestating for 3 years and nine months according to Saint Johns!)

Stuff

So, my car was broken into... No more laptop and no more U2 IPOD. Honestly, I am more annoyed with how sympathetic people have been than I am about the stuff missing... Okay, not more annoyed, but I am pleasantly surprised that my heart was not torn out to have lost the entire Digital U2 Catalog (Catalogue?).

I did go out and buy an IBook G4 (The cheap, small one). "Welcome to the Kingdom" was what one of the Interns at church said when he saw it.

So, I kind of felt like I really am a Christian with this whole, 'my stuff was stolen and it sucks, but it didn't end my life/week, etc.'... Where does the rubber meet the road in your life? (This probably isn't where it meets in my life seeing as how I will have a baby daughter in a few days!!!!!!!) So, where does the rubber meet the road in the everyday 'stuff' of life. Do you love your stuff? Do you not? Personally, I probably am more anti-money than anti-idolatry lest you think I don't love my stuff because of my Holiness! But, where does it feel real to you? Where does it make cognitive sense? Where has the Lord chosen to encourage you that he IS changing you/your heart?

How Evangelical???

How important is it to be Evangelical? How Evangelical should we be? How Evangelical Are you? As I grow up, as I read Donald Miller, as I become more and more frustrated by the Gospel of Sin Management I sense a growing awareness of my Evangelical Roots. I am Reformed also... Doesn't that simply mean I have a big picture of the sovereignty of God? John Piper writes (after being picked up by a truck driver) that being Reformed frees him to share the Gospel and to not worry about his role after that. Linz, Fabbs, Elisa, Poshiggity, Cary Murphy, Webel, Katie Adams, any and all readers... How Evangelical is too Evangelical? How Lack-o-Evangelical is missing out on he Great Commission? Do not-so-Evangelicals have more ground to stand on in the real world? Will James Dobson ex-communicate me from Colorado Springs if I choose to talk about the gospel when it is obvious I could crack down on someone for living in sin? I really wonder... I want to keep writing, but I think I'm diverging from my original question. Where are you on the Evangelical Continuum? How do you perceive the Super-Evangelicals? Where does God's Sovereignty come into play or not come into play??? Am I a heretic for asking these questions?

peace peace

Sub-Title: My Life as a Navy Seal for Jesus.

Donald Miller recounts his time at a christian camp as the time where he and a bunch of buddies made pact after pact to not get women pregnant, to not smoke, drink, etc. He says they were like Navy Seals for Jesus... Like many of us I jumped on his bandwagon and have been shedding evangelical layers right and left... If it weren't for my wife, well let's just not go there! I'm glad she reminds me not only that that is not the point of his book, but that Evangelicalism isn't all bad...

Okay, despite the fact that I haven't blogged for awhile (due in large part to losing my office to my still-gestating daughter Caroline) I recall that it is more fun to ask questions and to reminesce slightly than to preach. So, quick trip back in time to my time as a Navy Seal and then it is up to you - my five faithful readers - to pour your life stories onto the keyboard...

I served the Seals in Branson, Taney County Missouri, at Kanakuk Kamps. Despite the fact that I did sign the Seal contract every year to not impregnate women, injure animals, etc. I came to desperately need my Christian bubble. Working at Kanakuk, particularly when I led camping trips, was the simplest time in my life that I can recall. The fact is that divorce has always been a part of my life, I do not remember a time when I was not dealing with the ramifications of it every day. However, at Kamp my job (s) were so simple that I was able to breathe... Especially in the tumultuous summers of 99' and 2000' (Also my first two summers as a trip man). And while I remember sitting in the rocking chair on the deck of the trip-mens cabin by myself at 3:00 AM I also remember tying knots. As any worthwhile Seal/Kamp-person can, I could (who knows how one of my sheet-bends would look today in Kaldi's) tie many solid knots. That particular summer (99') I was the "Trip-packer", which meant I was alone a lot and did lots of things like tie knots when they needed to be tied. So anyway, I had my propane torch (to melt the ends of the rope so they would not fray), my rope, and my caribener (Spelling???) type things that would hook the ropes onto the boats (I was tying boats to our docks so they would neither float away nor bang into the dock when it was windy). I took a few hours (many boats, many lines to each boat) and I recall feeling so peaceful. At that point in my life I had only one job: to set these boats up with their appropriate knots. I suppose I believed in the greater cause of Kamp, I suppose also that I enjoyed being outside on that crisp June morning at Tablerock Lake. But really the simplicity of it was nectar and ambrosia for my heart.

In "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce" they write that children of divorce rarely recall (when asked in a general way about their childhood) playing. They played as much as other kids, but they simply do not recall it (I'm certain this is similar to other kinds of abuse, but I am currently reading baout divorce); they recall other things - the changes in their parents, their change of address, their role continually changing, etc. I found this to be true for my childhood, and for some reason made the conection back to Kamp as one of the only times where my life felt simple. I do not think only abused people or children of divorce crave some amount of simplicity and rest to their hearts, I only know that that condition exacerbated my need for it... So, the sermon was long, but the point was, Where and when has your life been simplest? I'm certain I will get some mountaintop experiences, but I do not care... Tell me that I may share in the peace you experience(d). Please.