Shabbos Email

One of these days I will take the Sabbath seriously enough to remember how I work.

Our family has been getting better at playing on Saturdays, and today I had un-get-out-of-able meetings this afternoon and we had people over later... So, the morning was all for playing and being. Rachel made a LOT of coffee (helps everything) and some blueberry muffins, and when Julia went to sleep for morning nap I took Caroline to Rocketship Park (which is kind of dad and Caroline's Park). But, before I left I checked my email.

Now I'm mad. Because... Well, that's why - I'm not telling you, the anecdote is not about anger, it is about knowing that I didn't need to check my email. Yea, checking my email drew me into my work life where someone had disappointed me. This blank space is in honor of that email and my thoughts _________________________________________________.

Caroline wanted to swing for awhile (I thought about the email). Then she wanted to climb for awhile (I kept thinking about it). She didn't want to slide because last time we were there there was a big puddle. Then we went to the sand... Ahh, the sand. I sat on a bench. I know not to, she wants my presence, so I ran in the sand with her. Then we sat in the sand. In the sand I let it go, there was grace in the sand. We hung out. She made some sand angels (snow angels might be too many senses and a bit of fear, btu we are ready for sand angels). We talked about Wall E (I am Burn-E from the short movie, Julia is MO, Rachel is Eva... you might be able to figure out who Caroline is). We watched a train or two. It was neat to watch Caroline learn with her eyes, and no talking, that she could see the train in two places through the trees. Good ole' Rocketship Park.

I felt myself relax, let it go, etc. Things that are a normal part of living and working and knowing people. But, how much easier would it have been to be present (I'm so good with grammar and words) if I had simply not checked my email? I don't play video games too much anymore because I realize they don't actually relax me. I drink more tea. I try to reflect. This last one seems easier when you're sitting in the sand. Thank you Lord for the grace of the sand. I will try to not check my email next Saturday. Thank you Caroline for continuing to want to play.

Lent

Almost every year I decide I should really use Lent to ponder...  or to become more spiritual or something.  Seriously, it seems like such a basically good idea.  And, every year I forget.  I'm in Seminary and we don't seem to talk about it much.  I haven't gotten over to Wikipedia yet to see if there is a cool story about giving stuff up.  I DO have some trout in my freezer that we could fry on Friday I guess...

This is a fun article if you want to start observing late: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7923701.stm

Thoughts on Lent?

Did you give up anything?  

Have you ever had a great experience with Lent?  

Anybody ever go through the book Mars Hill (Bell's Mars Hill, don't think Driscoll is going to support Lent too much) put out a few years ago?  I think I saved it, never printed it, and definitely don't remember anything about it.  

I find it funny the amount of tests and papers and discussion forums I have to do for Seminary...  And, this might be my first conversation on Lent.  If there are a billion Roman Catholics then I am just out of touch right?  :)

Oscars

There are things about the Oscars that are funny.  I could hear my mom in my head saying, "Oh Goldie..." at one point.

Alas, I am catching up today.  However, I heard Dustin Lance Black's comments at his award for best Screenplay.  It was almost unnerving how good they were.  Carefully nuanced, incisive, terribly saddening, and unqualified enough to convict evangelicals (I hope).  

"I think he'd (Harvey Milk) want me to say to all of the gay and lesbian kids out there tonight who have been they are less then by their churches, or by the government, or by their families, that you are beautiful, wonderful creatures of value.  And that no matter what everyone tells you, God does love you, and that very soon, I promise you, you will have equal rights federally across this great nation of ours."

The political part gets me less than the first part...  I am embarrassed that he says it so well when Christians seem like they cannot.  People do not deserve to be marginalized and abused...  period.  I think Jesus would have stood and applauded, or maybe he would have been out pleading with the picketers to stop.

90 Blogs later

And I am still not positive what the purpose of a blog is.

I know this one is a random thought blog (because I twitched when the job ge by the guy at school said, "if you have a random thoughts blog...  shut it down while you're looking for a job).

I know i like to put up pictures of my daughters.  

I know I sometimes like to try to be provocative, by saying things like "I voted for Obama" or "I think Abortion is a gigantic distraction to evangelicalism".   Both of those things are true by the way.

I don't label much.  (down at the bottom)  

Here is a question...  I get to preach in April.  I am thinking of a couple of possibilities and would love your thoughts.  1.  "Margin" - How do you feel knowing the Bible takes your questions and often answers other ones oftentimes?  This would be about the Bible and our questions essentially.  2.  "Why be good?"  My short answer would be mission.  In my 31 years of experience I don't think many Christians get why to be good, and many who are watching churches (insert your word, "non-religious, religious, irreligious, atheist, seeker, agnostic, etc.) tend to perceive that Christianity is big on rules and be annoyed by it.  3.  What about giving people two Sundays where they could write their questions on index cards and then I could take like the top four (having no idea how I would determine that...  especially without being deterministic)?  

Thoughts?  

The great thing is that I stopped reading for school about 15 minutes ago because I was tired...  I was reading a 60 year old article about Natural Law by a professor who is trying REALLY hard to be relevant.  I couldn't focus...  till i started blogging about...  NOTHING.  Hilarious.  I really would appreciate your thoughts though!

Stuff Christians Like

Hannah Wood turned me on to this blog. It is unbelievably accurate towards the strange subculture of evangelicalism. AND, I just learned that Jon went to college with my wife. Hilarious.

Here is a brief sampling, a bullet-point of a fictional interview with that guy that interviews movie stars... It is about people criticizing the Sermon at lunch.

1. I'm just not being fed.
What a fantastic way to look as if you're more spiritual than the pastor himself.

2. That message was not meant for me.
You are so generous to have sat there patiently while someone else that needed that sermon was able to receive it. What kindness.

3. That didn't feel like church.
What a perfect smokescreen of vagueness. How can anyone argue with your feeling? What does that even mean? More organ? Less organ? Better lasers? No lasers?

4. There wasn't enough Bible in that for me. That felt like a business leadership book.
What's enough? No one knows, which is why this is such a gem.

5. I'm not sure that sermon works in a postmodern world.
I'm not even sure I know what the word "postmodern" means, but it's fun to say. Few things make you look smarter than repeating this word. Repeatedly.

Stupid Kirk

I NEVER do these things.

But, Kirk did one, so I thought i would do one. With every person I put on my list ( you are supposed to do 25), a little bit of my will to live left me. So, I will throw it on the old blog...

1) I like coffee. French Press about twice a month.
2) Lately I have been spelling my name, "mat" to elicit whatever relaction.
3) My poor wife has noticed that while thinking I make very strange movements with my bottom lip. She wishes she could scold me, but she cannot stop laughing usually.
4) I got to hang out with two of my favorite authors in the last 6 years.
5) I would like to eventually publish a short story or essay
6) When someone introduces me as his or her pastor, I laugh because I am not one, then I try to sort of hide it... then I kind of repent...
7) I like NPR. I wish I liked music in general more. I like Jazz, but wish I liked it more.
8) I am suspicious of Christians
9) I have never thought of anything permanent enough in my life to tattoo, except my wife or kids but that would be kind of dippy.
10) I say "Dippy" because of my wife, and "silly" because of Caroline.
11) I think telling people to find their passion and do it, sets most people up for a discontent and at times miserable life. I agree - and still do it.
12) I keep in touch with about 10-15 men in a pretty deep and personal way. Not as often as I might like, but pretty dang often.
13) I love re-imagining the Christian faith. For everyone (including myself)
14) if I don't play basketball for a week I begin to feel partially empty.
15) If I do not get at least one rebound I shouldn't have got and thrown one amazing (or "ill advised") pass in that game, for someone else to score... Then I will be slightly less happy all week. I would take a 3 pointer too, btu some weeks that is pushing it.
16) I'm afraid to plant churches, because I dont' want to. But, I'm afraid I will become cynical enough to do it.
17) The last 3 people who tried to ue my chainsaw couldn't. 2 thought they broke it. It made me feel like more of a man.
18) My Dog's Name is Ron. I knew the name for about 5 years before he came into our life (not incarnationally, we adopted him from a stray society). He is likely the best behaved (inside) dog that you know.
19) Kirk Adkisson once took my wife and I to the Hillin St. Louis, and I ate a bowl of Spaghetti. It HURT. A lot. becauseI ate as much as Kirk could and no one should have
20) I flirt with murdering my cat: Batman. Not really. But, kind of. My friend Ty would also like to kill him.
21) I like the NBA. I liked it when everyone else was down on it. Even when it was like the WWF (94 and 95).
22) Andre Dubus is my favorite author.
23) I have tried 35 kinds of Scotch.
24) My Mom is the best business-person I know. Seriously.
25) Kirk is getting into Birding. What is birding?
26) I can quote lots of 80's movies and songs. Probably more than you, but maybe not more than ANYONE you know.
27) Definitely missing the end of my right thumb, and have definitely used that to every advantage I have ever been able to think of. Told the story at least 5000 times (I can explain how I get to that number if you want to know), and make a joke about 4.6 times/week.
28) Saw U2 at Slane Castle in Ireland about two weeks before 9/11.
29) My wife is very beautiful, and I have been lately pretty aware of it. Not bragging, just happy.
30) I'm becoming a Pastor of Arts and Culture in the Fall and I know less about Art and music than almost everyone you know...

Just in Case

Just in case you check my blog, and don't ever visit the BBC's Day in pictures.

This is a young man dancing on the rubble of his home in Gaza.

I don't know if pictures like this make my faith greater or if they increase my doubt.

Gran Torino

I just watched Gran Torino.

There is a hollowness in Clint Eastwood's movies. I mean it as a compliment, but it is there nonetheless... some spaces in the acting and writing, and even the shooting that I don't know if I am smart enough to get. But, it makes me feel like I'm NOT watching the latest flick.

There was a lot in there about good Masculinity. That part makes me sad for a lot of reasons I really don't feel like getting into.

There was some community stuff... I guess.

There was some racist stuff... I guess.

There was some spiritual stuff... I guess.

What was the last movie you saw that moved you? I think Gran Torino moved me. It made me sad that I didn't know some men well, and sadder that I didn't know others longer. It is interesting and difficult to be a man. I would compare it to being a woman, but you know... I do live with three of them though. Ron doesn't count. Check the blog in five years and we'll see if I have come up with anything.

I think Gran Torino moved me. What was the last movie that moved you?

Yes, I know the picture is not of a Gran Torino... I liked Better off Dead A LOT when I was growing up...

Ethics/Culture

I'm sitting in a class right now and the professor just quoted an author I have just recently started reading. He said not to put the quote in my blog... Then I raised my hand and said, "Did you say not to put this in my blog?" and he said, "Just don't say, Pastor ________ said, that ____________ ____________ said,

"The problem with Capitalism is that is makes shitty people." "

So, I will just include the quote.

Thoughts???

Blogging in 2009 (job too)

The blog was private because I was looking for a job, and one suggestion that I thought was a good one was to hide any random thought blogs. This blog is nothing if it is not a random thought blog!

So, if you attend Riverside Church (and were there on Sunday) you know that I have a job when I graduate (August unless I burn out in the Spring), at Riverside. Many of you have sent encouraging texts, facebooks, etc. Thank you! And, know that I have a finite number of text messages - therefore, am saying thanks this way.

So, I will be the pastor of arts and culture... I think. We have till September to figure it out it seems! And, more importantly :), my blog is now not-private.

I should write more about how glad I am 2008 is over (it was a long year in many ways). I should write more about how awesome my mom is - we just spent a week together in California, New Mexico, Arizona, and Colorado. I should write more about my kids and how cool they are. I should devote at least one blog to my wife - after all - how else could my kids be so cool? I should write about the people we lost this year, but I think I already did that (and, thankfully... no one has died since then... I hope that doesn't sound calloused or insensitive... some of my friends have lost since then. But, five seems like a lot).

Anyway, the purpose of this is to explain 1 - Why the Blog went private for two months. 2 - To explain the Job I got.

Christmas and the Puritans

So, I was listening to Reasonable Doubts Podcast and they were talking about the idea and Holiday of Christmas. They mentioned that the Puritans didn't celebrate it because they knew that the tree was for the Winter Solstice and the connections to Saturnalia (Am I writing like I knew it before I listened?). I read the Puritans a little, in a book of essentially poetry, that my mother-in-law bought for me. It is good to read them. Their theology is too harsh for me, and I think a bit too negative - but it is such humble, pious faith.

I think somewhere in me is a long blog about Christmas and consumerism, and how our theology should affect holidays like Christmas (and... maybe... Easter) more than it does. Alas, My throat hurts a little, we just put the girls down (We still haven't opened everything for Caroline, she just kept getting overwhelmed), and I don't know if I have it in me!

I love that I have an excuse to not lave the house. I loved being at the mall yesterday to get a watch fixed (thanks Mom) and ate cookies with Caroline (too many for both of us... stupid coupon). Rachel deserves a medal - she set up Caroline's doll house, cooked us Baked French Toast with cream cheese and pecans in between the pieces of bread, made coffee... I think she got up at 5:20. And, she got me the coolest presents ever. Not flashy, but VERY me.

I hope you have a nice Christmas...

Anger

Does everyone have anger issues?

Tonight I went to my book club and it was great. We read White Noise by Don Delillo. The book was an experience, not a book. He has the ability to make the plot seem primary, secondary, or (here is nice word) tertiary. What was the book about? Death maybe? Was it a satire? No, but it was certainly satirical. Was it funny? Might have been the funniest book I have ever read, and yet had some of the most quotable lines i have ever seen on sex, death, adultery, masculinity, parenting, etc.

Anyway, I saw a friend of mine named James at the bar. It is the second time I have seen James in a week. James has a friend named Tom, and about 13 seconds into my meeting with Tom I find out he is a somewhat angry atheist. I told him about getting a drink with Chris Hitchens and how much I respect Hitchens' robust rejection of Christianity. It was very clear that Tom did not think I was free-thinker, or had anything to advocate for.

He then went on a rant against religious people who want to have their cake and eat it too in the form of rejecting miracles, but affirming Jesus' resurrection. I couldn't get a word in edge wise to tell him how much I agreed with him. So few "agnostics" will reach any argumentative closure, such as "Jesus must have been a total lunatic" (Hitchens is the first I have ever heard - OF ANYONE - to affirm C.S. Lewis' classic 'Jesus must be a liar, a lunatic, or the Son of God' argument).

Anyway, I think we left it well, there was some discussion of pre-suppositions and miracles, the laws of physics, etc. Maybe he will come to On Tap (which is this Thursday ontapdiscussion.blogspot.com - you should totally come).

The really funny thing is, I think Christians deserve the anger of most agnostics/atheists. It is hard for me that I have to convince my friends who do not believe in God that I capable of critical thinking, but it is mainly hard because I know how many insensitive Christians that they have talked with... How many who have berated them, told them they are going to Hell, etc. I wonder how Tom grew up, I wonder what he reads (the bar was closing so I didn't get a chance to find any of this out), I wonder what his fears and dreams are, I wonder if he cares what mine are?

In Honor of Dr. Joel

Doc left me in for a few extra minutes in the second half. I was playing okay (Although I did airball a 3 pointer... because I started wondering if someone was gonna come block it). He mentioned that I would want to blog about a reverse layup I hit on a miss by a teammate...

I think it would be more fun to blog about my second technical foul ever (Doc has seen both). Third technically, but one was for attempting to enter a game when I had already fouled out (also only happened about once...). I was being fouled... THis is not unusual, but I thought it was getting bad... I would say he slapped my arms about four times... HE then had the ball. I yelled, "COME ON..." And the ref (Who has been refereeing games since I have been in STL) shook his head as in, "It wasn't a foul..." I was thinking, damn straight it wasn't... it was four. What I actually said was, "JUST SAY YOU DIDN'T SEE IT!!!" Not abusive words, but I was yelling very very loudly...

We were down ten at halftime. I told the ref what I did was childish and asked his forgiveness. He also called more fouls after that...

We won by 2.

It felt good...

I care about basketball a lot less than I used to, but I apparently still care enough to yell at a ref...

And now, I will make my blog private.

And post a picture of Tom Chambers... Can anyone else hear Dan Patrick saying, "Hurt the Rim Tommy..."

Tomorrow... Hurry!

Tomorrow I will be making my blog private... I was going to wait longer then realized anyone who wants to get ahold of me knows some way... other than my actual blog, to get ahold of me.

I will probably switch it late tonight or tomorrow...

For reasons I will make clear soon!

So, I think I need your email to let you read it.

So, make sure I know you read it (the most random people tell me they read it)

Cheez-Its

Scott Sauls, our former pastor at Riverside, taught me as much as anyone about the Gospel.

He was a big fan of a couple of illustrations, but one (that to my knowledge he only used once) is totally stuck in my head.

He talked about his ability to sit down in front of the TV and eat an entire box of Cheez its. He said he ate the entire box because he doesn't believe the Gospel - not everywhere, not all the time. And, sometimes he wants to feel different and so he will sit down and eat an entire box of Cheez-Its while watching TV.

Luckily for me it is goldfish...

Fortunately or unfortunately there are a lot of things that I do - now that I have this illustration - that are because there are places where I simply do not believe that I am a mess and that I am loved.

Hmmmmm...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/11/17/AR2008111703682.html

Why I shouldn't write about Death

Because it has been too close all year.

Because I don't know that I have much to say.

What is more scary to me is that so many have so much less to say. I went to a funeral - three weeks ago - at a relatively liberal church in my community. They were unwilling to say anything... Or maybe they had nothing to say. Maybe they were so busy deconstructing the Bible they forgot to see if it had anything to say - I don't know. I just know that at the funeral they had nothing to say. Luckily my friend's sister had good things to say.

I suppose my main message, from what I can tell about Jesus and the story he is telling is, "This is not the way it is supposed to be..." Seems like Jesus did a lot less comforting with the idea of Heaven than we (evangelicals... showing my cards: I am an evangelical) often do. Seems like he was moved by death, and he needed to provide a more powerful - yeah, material - redemption.

2 other things (I could expand the above one for pages... But I won't).

Why do we want knowledge? Is knowledge power, or is it just more knowledge? Or, is it a distraction to the grief process?

One of my friends died a few weeks ago and we do not know why. I think last year I would have wanted to know (she was in her 20's). I do not care as much now. I wish I knew her better. I was greatly appreciative of the stories told at the funeral - and of the space provided by the men presiding over the service to grieve, to enjoy, to think and pray (not the liberal, local church - this was actually a collaborative effort). I do not think knowledge is always power.

I was going to write about Hell, and how I am glad that the picture of God in the Bible punishes sin... But, I'm not sure I can muster the energy to do it any justice (pun not intended). Somehow, in my heart, these areas are all very tied.

assumptions

I have resolved to assume less.

I wonder what life will be like when I can pull that off to some extent?

I think I will be a better man, husband, friend, etc.

I voted

For Obama.

I thought about my vote a lot. I asked my brother - he teaches at a school in Chicago and was very kind of tolerate my conservative question. He gave me two options for thinking about it correctly: computational and ontological. If you know what that means please let me know... in the end Donald Miller expresses why I voted for Obama well. I have a lot of hopes on top iof this, but here is what he has said...

By the way, right after this picture was taken, Caroline fell over her pumpkin... But, going to the patch (albeit expensive) was really fun... And, we have the pumpkin (a green one) on our porch. Thanks Ross Chaffin for copying this post so I could then steal it (also).

"Burnside: Can you lay out your biggest reasons for supporting Barack Obama?

Donald Miller: First off, I know this is an odd thing for somebody in my position to do, to support a candidate for President. But I do feel this candidate is unique. Barack is the only candidate willing to talk about his faith in Jesus. Other candidates are reluctant, but Obama is not. He is the only one who has consistently talked about the cross, about redemption, and about repentance. Many white evangelicals have a misconception about Barack...they believe that because he is a Democrat, he cannot be a Christian. But times have changed, culture has changed, and political parties change. So one of the reasons I support Barack is because he is my Christian brother, and other Christians are rejecting him.

But that has little to do with his candidacy. In short, there are a few issues I agree with Barack on.

Senator Obama is going to move us past the impasse in our cultural war, something I think of as a cultural Vietnam. On the issue of abortion, he is the only candidate who has a plan to reduce the number of abortions. John McCain's only plan is the same old trick: say that you are pro life and offer no plan at all other than to criminalize abortion. I simply think that plan hasn't worked, and we have to face that fact and look for other ways to make progress.

I realize this is controversial, that there are many who would rather vote for a pro-life candidate and keep the abortion rate the same, on principle. And like them I believe in the sanctity of life, I simply think we need to begin making progress, and Barack is offering progress. He is also standing up to his own party on the issue and moving the party forward to elevate the issue of the sanctity of life within the Democratic Party. I also see this as progress. I do wish we could end abortion completely, but the Republicans have not spelled out a realistic plan to do so, and until they do, I won't vote for a candidate who simply throws us a pro-life line and no plan. It seems insincere.

But let me add this: I do wish Obama were pro-life. His plan to reduce the rate of abortion is a great step for the party, but I also wish he would defend the unborn to a greater degree.

However, at this point, in this election, with these two candidates, I think progress will be made with Barack. Not enough progress, but some progress, especially within the Democratic party, who may soften their stand on the sanctity of life.

A personal connection with me regarding Obama involves the initiative he is taking with responsible fatherhood. He has already drawn up legislation to change the welfare state to stop rewarding families whose fathers leave, and is working to change the economic structure so fathers who stay with their families are given tax relief. This has been an age-old problem that was written about in George Gilder's book Sexual Suicide. (Gilder's) book is a Conservative's economic manifesto, but Barack sees a lot of value in Gilder's ideas. But because Barack is a Democrat, Conservatives are unable to even consider his ideas."

Proof that Mom should always accompany Dad to the park

So, I'm about to leave for a Men's Retreat, and don't have time to write much. What will be interesting is to see if Rachel reads this/views this post while I am gone!

She is great about knowing that both of us add things to the girls' lives that are indispensable and often cannot be manufactured by the other... But, sometimes doesn't 'feel good' when she sees pictures like this one.